Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
