WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize