We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize