We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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