even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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