What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
