I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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