my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
