That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
time to smoke my breakfast
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
