I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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