you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
