we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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