in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
