the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
