Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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