apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
