sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
