how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We're too hungover to prance.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
