I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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