I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
