It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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