first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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