You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
