I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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