Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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