I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
