I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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