We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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