we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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