The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
