If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
