im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
