This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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