remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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