How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
