I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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