the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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