I haven't been this sober since birth.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
