The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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