a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
