Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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