i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
