did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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