my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
