Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
