Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
