I can text with my tongue
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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