whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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