how can u be prego again
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
