I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Mom said you looked used
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Come share oat with me in your robe
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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