quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
