you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
