I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
