ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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