I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
