Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
