I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
