I wanna bring you to show and tell
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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