I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize