so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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