Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
