My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
