i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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