Need sex. Gaining weight.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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