I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
