Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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