oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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