sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
