your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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