so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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