This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
