I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
