Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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