So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
