im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
