how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
