Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
