so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
