Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
