If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
