I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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