so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
