If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
