IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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